Skulduggery's and Friends 10 Favourite Adventures
by llamalovesdragons
Summary: Skulduggery's and Friends 10 favourite adventures is basically what it is. 10 oneshots filled with laughter, mayham and healthy does of magic and Skulduggery wit. Simple as that. Please R&R. Full title inside.
1. Adventure 1

**Its full name is Skulduggery Pleasant's 10 Favourite Never Before Released Adventures With Valkyrie Cain. Please enjoy. I think the title says it all. Please read and review. **

**Disclaimer: (for whole story) I do not own any of the characters, such as Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain, Tanith Low, etc. Any similarities to events or people (alive, deceased or fictional) are purely accidental/coincidental. I do, however, get to own any other character that have never before appeared in any of the books written by Derek Landy, unless stated otherwise. **

**Enjoy the story. **

**Adventure 1**

**Quartz Snowdrift**

Valkyrie woke up suddenly, in her own bed. It was one of those rare nights when she got to sleep at home, and she had planned on enjoying it. She saw her phone flashing and reached for it. _Skulduggery_, she thought, looking at the screen. "You realise it's three in the _morning_." she said softly.

"Nice to see you too. Why are you talking so quietly?" Skulduggery replied brightly.

"Because it's three in the morning and my parents are asleep."

"Oh. Were you asleep?"

"Yes, I was."

"Oh. Come down to the pier, we have a new case."

"What is it?"

"Not telling."

"Why?"

"Because otherwise you won't come. If you know then it takes all the incentive out of it. If I don't tell you, you won't be able to sleep until you know. So you will have no choice but to come."

"You sound very proud of yourself. Did you come up with that on your own?"

"I did. Are you coming?"

"Is it important?''

"Yes.''

"Fine. I'll be there soon."

"See you then." Skulduggery said happily. She cursed his name and stumbled out of bed. Valkyrie brushed the mirror with her fingertips as she walked over to the closet. She pulled out her black clothes and pulled them on. The reflection stepped out of the mirror and stood there in silence. She pointed at the bed and the reflection slid in. Valkyrie glared at it, lying in her warm bed. She opened the window and climbed out. She landed gently on the ground and walked to the pier, grumbling to herself the whole way. Skulduggery sat in the Bentley. "Oh, you're here," he said. "I thought you weren't going to come." Valkyrie said nothing, and glared at him as she climbed into the Bentley. "You'll be glad you came." He said. Valkyrie still didn't say anything. She crossed her arms across her chest and glared out the window. "Guess what the case is." Nothing from Valkyrie. Skulduggery shrugged and kept talking. "A woman named Quartz Snowdrift wants to take over the world."

Valkyrie dropped her arms and looked at Skulduggery in surprise. "Someone wants to take over the world? Not release a bunch of evil gods that are bent on killing and enslaving humankind and then destroy the world loose?"

"Yes, glad to see you are talking to me again."

Valkyrie ignored that last part. "Wow, what a nice change."

"Yeah. Actually, not really. They're more of an annoying waste of time, an inconvenience, but I know what you mean."

"Annoying waste of time?"

"Most of their plans are so far-fetched that they don't need us to make them fail."

"Then why do you take the cases?"

"It amuses me."

"Now I what Dexter means," she muttered. Skulduggery pretended not to hear. "Most of their plans?"

"Occasionally, you get the one that seems like would work, but then I step in."

"How occasionally?"

"About every one in ten."

"Is this one of those nine?"

"I don't think so."

"Damn."

"How is she attempting to take over the world?"

"Miss Snowdrift is an Adept, and good at influencing people. She isn't much of a fighter, but from what we know, she is killing off the Grand Mages and influencing people to pick her as the successor. Then, I think she plans to force mortals to bow down under the magical community."

"Wow that is actually a good plan. Do you think it will work?"

"Not if we have something to do with it."

"Where has she struck so far?"

"Nowhere yet, but she plans to start here."

"Oh, I see. How do you know her plans then?"

"Well-" Skulduggery hesitated. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "OK, I guessed. But I do know she plans to try to take over the world."

The Bentley pulled up outside of the Sanctuary. Valkyrie opened the door and walked over to Skulduggery's side of the car. He waited in there, and she raised an eyebrow at him. Grumbling, he opened the door and stepped out beside her. "Sorry, were you waiting for something?" She asked.

"I thought you finally had manners and were going to open the door for me."  
"Me? Manners?"

"I came to that conclusion." Valkyrie pushed the door open and stepped into the foyer. It was not as busy as it normally was during the day, but still busier than she had expected. Tipstaff trotted over. "They are expecting you, Detectives Pleasant and Cain."

"Are they?" Valkyrie asked. Tipstaff nodded and led them out of the room. Valkyrie followed him as he led them towards the Elder Room. Tipstaff knocked on the door and Ravel's tired voice drifted out. "Yes?" Tipstaff opened the door and bowed.

"Detectives Pleasant and Cain are here." He said.

"Let them in. Thank you, Tipstaff that will be all." Valkyrie watched as Tipstaff bowed again and gestured for them to enter. Valkyrie followed Skulduggery in. Ghastly smiled at her, and she grinned back. Ravel nodded to her, and Mist half glared at her, like she did to everyone. Valkyrie did her best to hide the smile, but she mustn't have done very well, as Mist sniffed disapprovingly. Ravel cleared his throat, and Valkyrie switched her attention to him. He had bags under his eyes and looked pale. Looking at the other Elders, she realised Ghastly looked the same, and Mist, well, she looked as ugly as ever. "How is the case of Quartz coming along so far?" Ravel asked.

"Quite well, we have tracked her down and are about to attempt to apprehend her."

"You had better, Skulduggery. I don't want to lose my life." Skulduggery looked at Ravel and tipped his hat.

"What did Ravel mean so far?" Valkyrie asked when they were back in the Bentley.

"Nothing," Skulduggery said, not meeting her eye. She waited. "It was your day off and I know how you hate working on you days off."

"Skulduggery, if it is important, you know I would rather come in on my day off than miss it."

"I know that now."

"So, where exactly are we going?"

"To Snowdrifts house."

"Really, you'd think that if she wanted to take over the world, you would go somewhere people wouldn't expect you to be."

"She doesn't know that we know."

"Are you sure, or are you just guessing?"

Skulduggery's head fell. "Just guessing."

"I see. So you really know where she lives?"

"Yes. Just outside of Dublin."

"Can we get something to eat on the way?"

"Our Grand Mage's life is on the line, and you want something to eat?"

"When you put it that way, yes."

An hour later, they pulled up outside of a house. Valkyrie looked at it. It was just a normal house. "Snowdrift lives here? It looks so… normal." She said.

"No, Snowdrift lives there." Skulduggery pointed across the street. Valkyrie looked over. Again, it was just a normal house.

"That house looks normal too, though."

"What, a mage can't have a normal house?"

"Yeah, but, you know, she wants to take over the world. All of our greatest bad guys had awesome houses. Serpine had a castle, and then Vengeous used it. Batu had a farmhouse, you see. This is, just a house. A normal house. My grandmother could live there, thats how normal it is."

"It is a rather normal looking house, when you put it that way." Skuduggery said as Valkyrie crumpled up her burger wrapper. "Shall we have a look inside?" Valkyrie nodded and they got out of the car. They walked over to the front door, and Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery. "We're going in the front door? Aren't doors for people with no imagination? Mightn't she expect us to go through the front door?"

"Hopefully, no. She shouldn't expect us anyway, let alone through the front door. Besides, she might be expecting us to go through the window, and so be waiting at the window, when really we go through the door where she doesn't expect us and are then able to sneak up and surprise her, while she waits for us at the window."

"Believe it or not, I think I actually understood something you said."

"When have I ever said anything you couldn't understand?"

"Only all the time. It gets really confusing."

"A mystery is a dull question if there's not plenty of confusion first." Skulduggery opened the door. He peered inside. He walked in and Valkyrie followed. She pulled the door shut behind them and clicked her fingers. The spark grew into a flame. Skulduggery looked at her and she shrugged. "In case." she whispered. He nodded and clicked his fingers. The flickering light showed a long hallway with a side table. Valkyrie caught sight of movement in her periphial vision and whirled around. She relaxed. Only a mirror. They crept down the narrow corridor. A voice whispered in her ear. She spun around. Nothing. It continued to whisper, urging her down the hallway. Skulduggery poked his head in a doorway, seeminly undisturbed by the voice. Valkyrie heard a footstep, the quiet whisper of a breath, behind her. She whirled around, and launched her fireball. A dark figure stumbled back, the flame catching them in the chest. Skulduggery threw his too, but the figure dodged clumsily. Skulduggery pushed at the air,a dn Valkyrie gathered shadows and flung them, and the figure sprawled on the ground. "That was easy," Valkyrie said, looking down at the figure.

They were almost back at the Sanctuary when Snowdrift said anything."Why am I even here? I didn't do anything."

"You were planning to take over the world by killing Grand Mages and influencing mages to follow you," Skulduggery sadi, not looking behind.

"Look at me, I couldn't even make it past the cleavers, let alone kill the Grand Mages." Valkyrie had to admit that she seemed to be right. Snowdrift was fat, short, with wispy blonde hair and papery skin. "You don't need to fight, when you can just ask. Don't try and outsmart me, it will never work. You are going to the holding cells, and you will be put on trial. You will never take over the world." Skulduggery sounded weary. The sun light up the horison, the long night taking its toll.

**I will try to post a chapter at least once a week, maybe every two, depending. But there is Adventure 1. Please, review.**


	2. Adventure 2

**By the time you have finished reading this, it will be too late to stop and by now you have surely realised that this authors note is in no way important except to say, thank you for reading and enjoy...**

**Adventure 2 **

**Scapegrace's Last Day**

"Seriously?" Valkyrie asked. "You want us to help you celebrate your last day?" Scapegrace looked at them.

"Sir, you can't nod, remember," Thrasher said gently. Scapegrace's face crumpled. Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery helplessly. He shrugged.

"I suppose we can help, what did you have planned?"

Scapegrace's face brightened. "I wanted to help solve a mystery," he said.

"Umm," Valkyrie looked back at Skulduggery. He started whistling softly, not looking at her, and walked down the street slowly. "We, kind of, don't have a case at the moment."

"Oh," Scapegrace said. His face fell. "Thrasher, how dare you let me fall? Pick me up now."

"Sorry, Master." Thrasher bent down and picked him up.

"I am sure we can find something for to solve with us." Valkyrie said. Scapegrace turned his mournful eyes to her.

"Thank you." Scapegrace replied. "I would start crying, but my tear ducts have dried up. Thank you."

"What's the case? Oh, did someone get murdered? Someone important gone missing?"

Skulduggery looked at Scapegrace seriously. "Something very important has gone missing, been stolen, in fact." Scapegrace looked proudly around him. "I need you to find my hat."

"Your what? Scapegrace asked, confused.

"My hat. My favourite hat. It looks like this," He held up the hat he had picked out his hat room. "Only it has a white band on it, and it's black."

"My talents are far beyond those of finding a hat."

"Then prove to me you can find it."

Scapegrace muttered something under his breath. "Thrasher, take me to his hat." Thrasher walked over to Skulduggery. "No, his missing hat."

"I don't know where his hat is."

"Well, find it."

"Is there anything else?" Valkyrie asked. Scapegrace had given up looking for Skulduggery's hat.

Scapegrace thought for a moment. "A rollercoaster. I want to ride one."

Valkyrie frowned a little and raised an eyebrow. "Okay, sure. I think we can handle that."

Thrasher started going on and on about how he had never been on a rollercoaster, and how excited he was, or something like that. Valkyrie had started to effectively tune him out, and she suspected Scapegrace did as well. She walked over to Skulduggery. "Where was your hat?"

"I thought I had taught you better than that." He held up the hat he had shown Scapegrace and Thrasher. "It's black, with a white band around it." She looked at him blankly for a minute. He placed the hat back on it's hook. She continued to stare at him blankly. Skulduggery sighed and took his hat off and handed it to her. She took it in her hands and looked at the black hat. She ran her hand over the white band near the brim.

_Black hat_

_White band_

Valkyrie grined and shook her head as she handed Skulduggery back his hat. "You can be really mean, you know."

"Me, never. I don't know what you are talking about. Anyway, whats next?"

"He wants to ride a rollercoaster." Skulduggery nodded.

Four hours later, they pulled up outside a fair. "I can't believe it has taken us this long to find a god-damn fair." Skulduggery muttered. They got out of the car as the Penguin Mobile drove up behind them. Thrasher got out and Valkyrie did her best to pretend she wasn't with them. Scapegrace walked out of the van and they headed into the almost abandoned fair. They headed towards the nearest rollercoaster. Scapegrace's eye widened at the sight of it. Or they would have, if they could have. "That rollercoaster?" He squeaked.

"Yes, whats wrong with it?" Valkyrie asked. For once Thrasher said nothing.

"It's so big. And scary. Why can't I go on that one?" He pointed to a kiddycoaster."That seems more my speed."

"Oh, no. I don't think so. We did not drive around for four hours looking for a rollercoaster just so that you could ride a kids one." Skulduggery pushed him towards the rollercoaster, Thrasher right behind him. Skulduggery and Valkyrie spent the next fifteen minutes listening to the zombies scream as they hurtled through the air at terrifying speeds. Something for tem to grin at, at least. Scapegrace stepped off the rollercoaster, and almost collapsed. Thrasher, however, did collapse. He landed with a crash. "Never again," he cried.

"Why would he want to go to Nye's lab?" Valkyrie asked. She and Skulduggery waited outside with Thrasher as Scapegrace did whatever it was he wanted to do. The door opened, and Scapegrace was laying in Clarabelle's hands. "What?" Thrasher gasped.

"How?" Valkyrie gaped.

"Interesting,"Skulduggery said. He tilted his head. Valkyrie looked at him. He wasn't even looking at the pair of them.

"What I want to spend the last bit of my life doing is eating dinner with the person I love more than anything in my life."

"I finally worked out something out." Skulduggery said. Everyone looked at him. "Who told you you were going to die?" he asked Scapegrace.

"Doctor Nye. When I asked him about returning me to life. He said I had a year until my brain rots in my skull." Scapegrace said.

"When was this?"

"About a couple of days before the Remmant attack. Why?"

"It has been seven months since the Remments attacked." Skulduggery's last sentence hung in the air.

"You mean, I'm not going to die today?" Scapegrace asked.

"Not today," Skulduggery confirmed. Scapegrace, Thrasher and Clarabelle all started talking at once.

"Oh, great. That's like, another four months of him bugging us, and-" Valkyrie broke off as Thrasher ran over. She stepped back as he tried to hug her. He turned to Skulduggery. Skulduggery put his hand in his coat and said, "hug me, and I shoot you. Or Scapegrace."

**Scapegrace is one of my favourite characters, and I thought it wasn't fair of him to go without, you know, a proper good bye. I hearby declare a minute if silence where, when he dies in the books, we all stop reading and remember all the times he tried and failed to kill people. He had his moments. I will probably end up crying when he dies (I'll let you know). He is the puppy that shows up to be sick in your shoes. Their is someone like that in every good book, and often in every good friendship and family. To all our Scapegraces, I say thank you.**


	3. Adventure 3

**This is based on a somewhat true story. It happened to me and my friends, and we are still waiting for Skulduggery and Valkyrie to come and help. Only our rhombicosidodecahedron was stolen. We think by one of the teachers at school. But we built it and it had our names on it and we had photos with it. **

**Flik, now would be an excellent time you to be very quite. Do not say what I know you are going to say... Yes, I know Tash helped build it, but she doesn't read my fanfics anyway. She'll be fine. Her name is on the actual object.**

**Adventure 3**

**Rhombicosidodecahedron**

"I don't know what a rhombicosidodecahedron is." Valkyrie Cain looked through the images she had been passed by Skulduggery. His facade was down, and his bare skull gleamed in the early morning light. One of the picture caught her attention. It was of two girls in horrible uniforms standing next to a large sphere-like object. It had a fauceted surface, much like a diamond. It was blue, red, green and yellow. "I am not entirly sure what a rhombicosidodecahedron is either. We're going to see the two girls in that picture. They created it."

"Who are they?"

"Zoe Crowden is the tall one with curly hair, and Felicity Kenneally is the shorter one with straight hair. Those are their given names."

"Are they mages or mortals?"

"Mages, but they enjoy mixing with mortals."  
"Like Cameron Light?"

"Kind of, but I think they enjoy more the way they can be so endearing and making fun of their helplessness. They are only about your age."

"Really, they look a little younger than me."

"One, I said about. Two, they're Australian. Of course they look younger." Valkyrie looked at him to see if he was joking. He was holding his skull at a serious angle.

"So because their Australian, they look younger?"

"Yes, but it probably has something to do with most Australians being incrediably immature. Even more than you."

She glared at him. "I am not immature."

"Yes you are, just not as much as an Australian."

"Does this mean we are going to Australia? Can we catch a plane?"

"No, we cannot catch a plane, but yes, we are going to Australia."

"How are we getting there? It will take too long to go by boat."

"Hey guys," a familiar voice said from behind Valkyrie. She jumped and turned around. Skulduggery tilted his head at an amused angle and nodded to the person behind her.

"Fletcher, hi," Valkyrie said to cover up her emmbarressment. Not fooled, he grinned. He was tanned, more than she remembered, and his hair looked more blonde.

"Ready to go?" Fletcher said, still grinning. He held out his hands. Skulduggery reached out and touched his hand. Valkyrie hesitated, but the thought of a warm, sunny Australia was enough the tempt reached out and touched his other hand, and the moment she did, Fletcher teleported them.

Fletcher leapt back undercover. Skuduggery moved his hand and a bubble grew out from him, shielding him from the rain. Valkyrie just stood there, getting wetter and wetter. It was pouring in Australia, and it completely ruined the aura she had of Australia being sunny all the time. Skukduggery walked past her, towards the shelter, and she followed, grumbling. She waited for him to get the water off her, and glared at him when he didn't. Fletcher led them through the door, and Valkyrie did her best to lift the rain off herself. Her hair was still damp and her clothes a little wet, but inside the Australian Sanctuary it was warm. People walked around, laughing and talking with each other. Many greeted Fletcher, as well as Valkyrie and Skulduggery, even though she was sure the hadn't met. The rain stopped suddenly and sunlight streamed in through the windows. She heard a mage say to her friend, "ah, Melbourne, the city of four seasons."

"We need to find these people," Valkyrie showed Fletcher the picture.

"I know them." Fetcher said.

"Where can we find them?" She pressed.

"Over there," Fletcher pointed behind her. She turned and looked. Skulduggery stood talking to them. Fletcher bounced over, beaming, and Valkyrie kind of slunk over.

"Valkyrie, I would like you to meet Zoe Crowden and Felicity Kenneally." Zoe beamed at her widely, and kind of scarily.

"Thats her llama face," Felicity informed them.

"I like cheese, maaate," Zoe stated while nodding enthusiastically.

"She can be a weirdo sometimes. Call me Flik," Flik said.

"You can call me llama," Zoe said.

"So what exactly is a rhombicosidodecahedron?" Skulduggery asked.

"It's a shape with 62 faces and 120 vertices. It's blue, green, yellow and red," Flik said.

"How is it important? Does it destroy the world?" Valkyrie asked.

"No," Zoe said.

"Save the world?" Valkyrie asked, confused.

"No," Zoe said again.

"Then what does it do?" Valkyrie asked, even more confused.

"Normally it sits in the corner, but we think it went walk about like the aborignals used to." Flik's face was serious.

"So, it doesn't do anything?" Valkyrie asked, trying to understand the whole thing.

"Not really, no," Flik said.

"But you said that this was important." Skulduggery said.

"It is. We spent like, 10 minutes building it. We built it from my hands up. Then I had to carry across the whole school, around idiot kids who threatened to play basketball with it. Do you know how hard that was? Do you know how hard my heart was beating from fear?" Zoe said dramatically.

Valkyrie looked at her with an eyebrow raised. "And people think I need a hobby." She muttered.

"You do need a hobby, just obviosly not as much as our friend in the back there." Skulduggery said. Valkyrie glared at him again. "You realise that your glares don't affect me any more. I barely notice them any more," he told her.

Somewhere in the back, a phone chimed. "Oh," Flik said.

"What happened" Skulduggery asked.

"Ah," Zoe said.

'' What?" Valkyrie asked again.

"We don't need you find the rhombicosidodecahedron anymore," Zoe said happily.

"Why," Valkyrie asked.

'Because Tash found it. It was in a box. Appearently the teachers were cleaning up and put it aside and forgot about it." Flik said. Valkyrie glowered.

"I love happy endings," Zoe said.

**Derek Landy has names for all of his minons, and they are all really obvious. Irish readers, Ameriminons, Germinons, and, wait for it, wait for it, Minons-who-speak-funny. Humph. The ending isn't true, it still hasn't been found.**


	4. Adventure 4

**This was an entry for a competition, which I didn't win, and figured someone should be able to enjoy it.**

**Adventure 4**

**Sadistica Tortura**

Beside her was a short, fat balding man with thick glasses, he certainly did not look like what Valkyrie had been expecting. She snorted and attempted to cover it up. Skulduggery looked at her. "Welcome, to the house of Sadistica Tortura," he said in a high pitched, unsettling voice. "I am Ms Tortura's butler, Karl Reed. She has been expecting you." He stepped to the side and a tall, thin blonde woman with a hard face stood there. "Pleasant, I have-" she broke off and looked at Valkyrie. "Who is _that?" _she spat.

"Hi, I am Valkyrie Cain. You must be Sadistica Tortura. You are under arrest for the torture of several people, including Stargazer Wraithfire, Linnaei Song, and Anastasia Oldsoul as well as several murders, including that of Luna Green. Will you come quietly or do we need to force you?" She looked at Skulduggery. "How was that?" she asked.

"That was good, after all, you did learn from the best. And you're getting better."

"Do you mind? I am about to torture you and all you can do is act as if I am not here? What is wrong with you?" Tortura screeched.

"Well, what did you expect us to do? Sit here and wait for you to get around to it? If we did that, then we would it would be Christmas. You are wasting our precious time. So hurry and do what you are going to do, or let us go." Valkyrie stared at Tortura defiantly and crossed her arms.

"You dare to tell me what to do!" Tortura screamed. She descended upon Valkyrie and slapped her cheek. Tortura composed herself, grabbed Valkyrie's arm and led her out of the room. Skulduggery started to follow, but Tortura gestured to Reed. "You will pay for that, child," she hissed. Reed shut the door behind them. Valkyrie took a deep breath. Tortura pulled her into a dark room. Shadow clung to the corners like cobwebs. Valkyrie slipped her ring on and felt the shadows come to her. She gathered them and launched them into the side of Tortura's head. Tortura stumbled back and Valkyrie pressed the attack. A heavy blow from behind sent her crashing to the ground. Reed stood there, his breathing laboured. A second later, a flame flew from his hand. Valkyrie scrambled out of the way and the ball if fire hit the ground. "Don't touch her," he snarled. Valkyrie sent a wave of shadow crashing into him. The shadows flooded the room. They receded and the pair lay on the ground, unconscious. She headed to the door and opened it. Skulduggery looked at her. She smiled. "Bet you were never happier to see me, eh."


	5. Adventure 5

**I always thought Skulduggery wouold look good with a dog. This is the story of when Skulduggery gets a dog. **

**Adventure 5**

**Skulduggery Gets a Dog**

"You're getting a dog?" Valkyrie asked, eyebrow raised.

"I am getting a dog." Skudluggery said.

"But _you're _getting a _dog._"

"Yes, I am getting a dog. Now please stop making me repeat myself. As much as I love listening to my own voice, I find yours tiring after a while."

"I never thought you looked like a dog person."

"Then what kind of person did I look like? There's more than one?"

"Yeah, you know. The world is split into two kinds of people, with lots of little sub divisions in between. Dog and Cat, Good and Evil, Chaser and Chased, Magic and Mortal, Alive and Dead, Odd and Even, Stupid and Smart, Skittles and Smarties, Hot and Cold, Vanilla and Chocolate-" Valkyrie said, counting them onto her fingers.

"Please, Vanilla and Chocolate? I think your just making these up now." Skulduggery said, shaking his head.

"No, you know how you get the Dixie cups with the Chocolate ice-cream on one side and Vanilla on the other?"

"No."

"Well, you always eat on side first, and leave the other to last, or swap with someone."

"You do?"

"Yeah, and some traits go together more than others. Like Magic, Evil and Chaser. And Odd, Stupid and Dog. It's like Darwin's Theory of Evolution, but Valkyrie's Theory of Two Kinds of People."

"Thats kind of a long name, don't you think?"

"Yeah, but I'm working on it. Hey, what kind of dog are you getting?"

"A big, vicious one. A Maltese Terrier or something like that."

"Really. I can't imagine you with a big dog. Ghastly or Tanith, maybe, but not you. You'd have a small lap dog, like China. And aren't Maltese Terriers cute and small?" Valkyrie asked.

"No, thats a Pomeranium." Skulduggery said.

"Have you got a name picked out for it yet?"

"Yes, I was thinking SJ. And it is a boy."

"SJ?"

"Yes, for Skulduggery Junior. What do you think?"

Valkyrie phone buzzed, waking her up. She reached out and answered it. "Valkyrie, it won't stop crying, and I think it just peed."

"What?" She asked, still half asleep.

"The dog."

"I thought you said it was a boy."

"They gave me the worng one. This one is white and fluffy and cute."

Valkyrie walked over to her bookshelf and pulled a book from it. She opened to a page and looked at the picture. "No, it's the right one. Maltese Terrier. The picture is small white and fluffy."

"They must have the wrong dog listed. I can't have this dog. It completely ruins my image."

"You have an image?"

"I do. I must be seen as terrifying. How can I do that with this little dog that is looking at me with the biggest puppy dog eyes ever, and a little fluffy, white face and tiny little paws with soft little pads underneath?"

"I kind of lost track of this convesation after you started descriping it."

"Me too. How about I pick you up and you can come and meet SJ."

"That poor dog."

"What about it?"

"It's named after you. I feel sorry for it."

"It? What about me? It just started gnawing on my finger."

"Dogs do that."

"I think it's trying to eat me."

Valkyrie walked down to the pier and saw the Bentley. A white face popped up at the window and Valkyrie felt a small part of her melt. "Oh my God, he's adorable. As if you don't like him."

"You can have him. He chewed my best tie, and ruined my favourite shoe as well as eating everything it could get it's little mouth on. Then pooed in pair to the shoes it chewed on."

"I don't think my parents would like it if I brought a dog home, Skulduggery."

"Why not. Isn't it your mums birthday tomorrow?"

"Yes, but I already got her a present."

"You have no idea about presents. You got her a pair of rubber boots."

"They are cool. They had pawprints all over them." Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. "I have no idea about presents," she said, sagging.

"Put the dog in the rubber boots."

"Fine. You really don't like this dog, do you."

"No. It tried to eat me."

Valkyrie held the dog up to her face. It yipped and licked her face. She made a face and laughed. "Aww, aren't you just the cutest.

"Happy Birthday Mum," Valkyrie said, kissing her mum on the cheek and passing her the rubber boots.

"You couldn't even be bothered to wrap them?" her mum said, taking them from her. Inside, SJ barked, a short little noise that had Valkyrie's mum looking down in confusion. "Aww, look at you. Aren't you adorable. Whats your name, little guy?" Melissa said, holding him in her hands, the boots forgotten on the floor.

"I have your present," Desmond said, walking into the room. "And you'll love- What is that?"

"His name is SJ," Valkyrie said.

"Aren;t you just precious," Melissa cooed, cuddling him in her arms. "You should have checked, Steph. But how could anyone say no to this cutie?"

"My question exactly." Valkyrie said.

**P.S. You can find a picture of Skulduggery's dog by typing malicious looking animal into the Google Images search bar (the fluffy white one with the Siamese cat).**


	6. Adventure 6

**This story was inspired by my favourite joke ever. Known among my friends as**_** the**_** pink joke, they laughed extremely hard. Share the pinkness with you family and friends afterward, and don't forget to review. **

**Adventure 6**

**Joke Wars**

"What's pink and fluffy?" Valkyrie asked.

"What?" Skulduggery asked.

"Pink fluff," Valkyrie said. "What's blue and fluffy?"

"Blue fluff?"

"Pink fluff holding its breath." Valkyrie said.

"Once, there was a man whose car broke down outside a pink house. It had a small pink fence surrounding, and the gardens were covered in small pink flowers. The man crossed the road and knocked on the pink door. A young lady with short pink hair and a short pink dress opened it and smiled at him. 'Can I help you?' she asked.

'Is it ok if I use your phone? My car broke down, and I would like to call a mechanic,' he asks.

'Of course, go down the hall and third door to your left. The pink door.' The man thanks her and walks down the hall. The walls are pinks and there is pink carpet with a pink hall runner. Pink side tables and pink paintings. He counts the pink doors and goes into the third pink door he sees on the left. A pink kitchen with pinks wall and floor tiles and pink counters. He picks up the pink phone and dial his mechanic. 'My car has broken down. Can you come and fix it?' he asks when his mechanic has answered.

'Yes, but I can't get to you until tomorrow. Is that ok?' The mechanic replies.

'I suppose so,' the man replies. He hangs the pink phone up and turns around and starts to walk down the pink hallway. The lady walks up and asks, 'when is your car being fixed?'

The mechanic can't get there until tomorrow.' The man said.

'Would you like spend the night here?' the lady asks.

"Yes, please,' the man says.

'Second door on the right,' the lady says.

"Thank you." The man says and walks down to the door. He opens the pink door and finds a pink room with a pink bed and a pink, well, everything.

Later that night, two more men's car's break down and they stay the night. In the morning, the lady says as they come down for breakfast, 'what would you like?'

The first man says, 'I would like some Weetbix.'

The second man says, 'I would like some porridge.'

The third man says, 'I would like some Weetbix.'

This joke proves that 2 out of 3 men eat weetbix each morning." Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie smugly.

"I don't think I can beat that one," Valkyrie said.

**Just a small one, enjoy. **


	7. Adventure 7

**This is a songfic. I had never done one before, but I decided to try it. It mainly involves Ghastly, but some other characters get a part too. This is my favourite song, and although it is a song about a song, I hope you will enjoy it. I'll put a link on my profile if anyone wants to listen to it.**

**Adventure 6**

**Close As A Whisper (The Gift) by Lee Kernaghan**

Ghastly looked a photo of Tanith, and swallowed.

"_I tumbled into life, out on the Western Line, a smple gathering of melody and rhyme. Written down and tweaked a bit, ink pen on manuscript, little town, little song. Looking for somewhere to belong._

_Sat in a bureau draw, pulled out and then performed, for a governer and mayor. Law clark stratched me down, next morning we left town, he was humming as we rode. And I wondered where we'ed go._

_On and on, round and round, far and wide am I bound, I'm the gift, I'm a drifter, always wandering free. On and on, like the wind, I am home, I am friend, and you'll be as close as a whisper to me._

_Some shearers heading south, sang me to Jackie How, first time he ever shore, a hundred in a day._

_I rode the silver rails, I crossed the mountain trails, they sing my story from the Cape to Morton Bay, and send me on my way._

_On and on, round and round, far and wide am I bound, I'm the gift, I'm a drifter, always wandering free. On and on, like the wind, I am home, I am friend, and you'll be as close as a whisper to me._

_As Private Monroe gently sang, I floated over no man's land, I've seen the tears, of countless lonely sons._

_I've crossed the raging seas, wound in synphonies, was there in victories, been sung on bended knees._

_I'm just a notes and verse, nothing more, and nothing less, you'll find me at the stockcamp as they're passing out the rum, out near where I'm from._

_On and on, round and round, far and wide am I bound, I'm the gift, I'm a drifter, always wandering free. On and on, like the wind, I am home, I am friend, and you'll be as close as a whisper to me._

_On and on, with this swag, and an old tuckerbag, singing who'll come a Waltzing Matilda with me."_

Ghastly wiped the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes.

**Just a short one, but I wanted to try a songfic. **


	8. Adventure 8

**Adventure 8**

**My dark Side by Kelly Clarkson**

_Ohhh_

There's a place  
That I know  
It's not pretty there and few have ever gone  
And if I show it to you now  
Will it make you run away  
Will you stay even if it hurts  
Even if I try to push you out will you return  
And remind me who I really am  
Please remind me who I really am

[Chorus]  
Everybodys got a dark side  
Do you love me  
Can you love mine  
Nobodys a picture perfect  
But were worth it  
You know that were worth it

Will you love me  
Even with my dark side  
Like a diamond from black dust  
It's hard to know I can become if you give up  
So don't give up on me  
Please remind me who I really am

[Chorus]  
Everybodys got a dark side  
Do you love me  
Can you love mine  
Nobodys a picture perfect  
But were worth it  
You know that were worth it

Will you love me  
Even with my dark side

Don't run away, don't run away  
Just tell me that you will stay  
Promise me you will stay  
Yeaah yeaah  
Don't run away, don't run away  
Just promise me you will stay, promise me you will stay

Will you love me?  
With my dark side

[Chorus]  
Everybodys got a dark side  
Do you love me  
Can you love mine  
Nobodys a picture perfect  
But were worth it  
You know that were worth it

Will you love me  
Even with my dark side

Don't run away, don't run away

"I think that's our song," Valkyrie said.

"We don't have dark sides; everyone else just has insanely good sides," Skulduggery replied.

"No, I'm pretty sure we have bad sides. Doesn't everyone have a bad side? You told me that once."

"Darquesse and Lord Vile don't have bad sides."

"Everyone but them, then."

**Sorry, just a short one. But let's face it, it is their song. It's perfect for them. And check out this one YouTube video, called 'Hitler eats waxy chips'. It's funny and it's by a guy in my class. Link on mah profile. Love you all. **


End file.
